Summer rain

Summer rain coming down
it is just a day for the fall…
watch you sinking down
going weeks without talking much
make it or break it, break it, break it time
dreams shatter as the answers you sought
the quick fixes
and the master plan
don’t take off like you wanted
life for sure wasn’t suppose to be like this
starting over with a new plan
building it all from scratch
watching the first one sink slowly..
it was good for years
until things started to crumble
and you realize
that years back you stopped working
stopped investing the energy
that early made that the success it was
got worn down
you had the successful business, the marriage and the 2 perfect kids
then it all began to fall apart
so then you began to borrow too much from one to feed the others
and that is when the rest began to slide
to fall into the abyss…
I can’t tell you
to adjust your expectations
I can’t tell you that you are living out beyond….
out beyond your means
and it is killing you slow.
Soon enough it will steal the health your prize
and then you will hit rock bottom
from there you will be forced to change
in that brutal manner
in the gut wrenching, soul sucking way it does
and the real test of life will be written
by you in how you figure out how
to get up after the fall
after the fall…
with the rain coming down
mistake summer for fall
one missed step and then the fall

Take a walk

It has been weeks since I have seen you

and the work your put between us is growing thin

see I don’t know what you wanted

I thought you wanted something simple

no drama like our past

and the times we laughed at the gulf island hippy mentality

that is the exs that flaked out on us

I wonder now too

would you be better off if you talked if over

would you be better off if you made time

for stress relief

see I don’t remember what it was like

back against the wall

I can’t recall going without

because when that was me

running on too little sleep, working too hard

I used it all: sex alcohol, drugs, the lot

to cope

and I don’t understand why you don’t make time

to unwind

even if it is only an hour…

Want you still…love, when did it get ruthless?

Am I so much less
because I’ve got everything I want
and it is ‘perfect’
yet I still think back to the time when
I had a partnership and could come home…

Standing out here on my own
it feels so much stronger
so much longer, stretched out in time
but I still think about you
still wonder if you are ok
still feel responsible for you
can’t bear to see you slide backwards
into old habits and bad patterns
when I dragged you so far from that
gave you stability
though you hated it
and all the while you made me talk
about my feelings
so grudingly I learned a new vocabulary
and now I own it.

See I catch others
and I walk them through
the undefinable
and I do so much I learned from you
and I cringe
making wine in my new kid’s kitchen,
he says ‘wunderbar’ and pronounces it wrong..
see I have boys, they are just toys
I can’t stand their hands on me
but they amuse me a small ways
and that fills up space and time.

Truth be told I will always give myself to men for a long time, but boys, they are the surface game that I play for the short term because I can’t stand the way I live and I need the alibi to stay sane, to live with myself for all I do.

Fall from Grace – Langston Francis

I’m only human
You look at me like you never knew that
You cut me deep and left me wounded
But I want you still
It’s not on you oh no no

This love is ruthless
A couple junkies how we use it
Feel you in my body you’re my stimulant
Truth is
You got me hooked on this love

[Hook]
I’ll admit I tripped on your waistline
I awoke when I fell from the wayside
But will you
Fall from grace with me
And fall gracefully

[Verse 2]
You took a little bit
Of me with you
When we went through
What we went through

And I’m not innocent
But I’m feeling like you stole
All those memories untold
We went in like Friday nights
On the strip under bedroom lights
It was just me and you though
All Alone

Now I’m left so far behind
Just cigarettes and empty wine bottles
When we came too
But I know it felt perfect at the time

[Hook]
I’ll admit I tripped on your waistline
I awoke when I fell from the wayside
But will you
Fall from grace with me
And fall gracefully

[Bridge]
(Took a little bit)
You tripped on me
I tripped on you
(You took a little bit)
But I know it felt perfect at the time
(Took a little bit)
You tripped on me
I tripped on you
(You took a little bit oh)
But I know it felt perfect at the time

(Took a little bit)
You’re happy you got what you wanted
Got what you wanted
(You took a little bit)
I’m not saying I’m what you wanted
But I’m what you wanted

Cus I don’t know
If you know
What you mean to me

Oh no no

walk away

Consequences

Change

Stop explaining

In life

what ever you do