Self-Compassion

• to experience compassion you have to actually notice that your friend is struggling or feeling badly about themself.
• Second, if what you feel is compassion (rather than pity), you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience.
• you respond to your friend with warmth, understanding, and kindness – feeling the desire to help in some way.

These are the three main elements of compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness.

Self-compassion simply involves doing a U-turn and giving yourself the same compassion you’d naturally show a friend when you’re struggling or feeling badly about yourself.

• It means being supportive when you’re facing a life challenge, feel inadequate, or make a mistake.

Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality or getting carried away by your negative thoughts and emotions, you stop to tell yourself

1. “this is really difficult right now,”
2. how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?

Things will not always go the way you want them to.

You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition.

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with your failings

https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/

“Sometimes we need to do things we’d rather not do, in order to get the peace that we need; to look after our own well-being and to return to a healthy state. Decisions we may make may hurt others at times. Sometimes it hurts us too. I have found myself in situations like this recently. It a hard choice. But truly, there are times that we have to take care of ourselves. Sometimes there are no good choices, just painful ones… Sometimes that’s just how real life is.” 

― José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love

stress cycle

The alarm, resistance, and exhaustion stages of the stress response cycle your body respond to stress. Learning how to complete the stress cycle may help you cope.

when experiencing stress-induced physiological changes, you may experience the following stages:

• alarm
• resistance
• exhaustion

Alarm

If you encounter an acute stressor or danger, an area of the brain called the amygdala sends signals to another region called the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus functions as the brain’s command center — transporting information to the rest of the body via the nervous system.

When the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system, adrenal glands respond by releasing the hormone epinephrine(adrenaline) into the bloodstream.

This can lead to several physiological changes, such as fast breathing, a rapid heartbeat, an energy surge, and increased alertness.

Your body’s complex response to stress is known as the fight, flight, or freeze response.

Resistance

Once the sense of threat or danger has passed, your parasympathetic nervous system puts the “brakes” on and lessens the body’s stress response. But you may stay alert to observe if you feel safe and have obtained balance within your body.

If you still sense that you are unsafe, stress hormones will increase, and you might experience symptoms such as:

• poor concentration
• irritability
• frustration

Exhaustion

If you aren’t able to complete the stress cycle, your body may repeat its stress response. Prolonged and chronic stress can take its toll, leading to:

• heart disease
• stomach ulcers
• sleep dysregulation
• psychiatric disorders
• depression
• anxiety
• fatigue
• burnout

How to complete the stress cycle

There are several research-based ways to help complete the stress cycle and manage your body’s response to a tense situation.

Physical activity

In a fight, flight, or freeze scenario being active may help you survive the threat and keep your body safe. You can imitate this natural response with exercise.

The U.S. Department of Health & Human ServicesTrusted Source recommends that adults get at least 150 minutes (2 hours and 30 minutes) to 300 minutes (5 hours) of moderate-intensity physical activity each week for substantial health benefits.

Consider the following:

• jogging
• playing your favorite sport
• dancing
• hiking
• swimming
• pilates
• lifting weights

Creativity

Doing something creative, such as drawing, writing, knitting, gardening, or cooking, can help your body recover from a stressful event and boost energy levels. The key is to try something that you enjoy.

Laughing

Laughter is a useful way to release and express emotions you keep bottled up. Some easy ways to help induce laughter are to recall a funny story, watch a funny movie, or visit some friends who make you laugh.

Crying

Crying is another way that your body releases stress. When you suppress your tears, you’re could be stopping yourself from a natural part of your recovery.

Physical affection

Research from 2020 indicates that physical comfort from a loved one can help mimic the safety step of the stress response cycle. If you consent to the touch and feel safe, physical comfort can support your mental and physical health.

Some experts recommend a long, 20-second (minimum) hug, which helps activate the release of oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “cuddle hormone.” Another option is to cuddle with a pet, which may improve your mental health and reduce stress.

You can also provide yourself with physical affection through:

• self-massage
• moving your hand in small circular motions on your chest
• embracing yourself in a hug

Deep breathing

Slow, deep breathing can help your body regulate its stress response. Some examples of deep breathing exercises include:

• square breathing: 4-second inhale, 4-second hold, 4-second exhale, 4-second hold
• 4,7,8 breath: 4 seconds inhale, 7-second hold, 8second exhale

Exercises, such as tai chi, qi gong, and yoga combine deep breathing with fluid movements to help generate calmness.

Rest

Getting enough rest, including a full night’s sleep, can ensure that your body will recover from stressful events. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults get between seven to nine hours of sleep each night.

Recap

Coping with a stressful event can be tricky. But finding ways to mimic the stress response cycle, which involves physical activity, finding a safe place, and resting can help you cope with your stress.

https://psychcentral.com/stress/the-stress-response-cycle#Stages-of-the-stress-cycle

Reflection:

I work out hard every day to help break my stress cycle.

work and complex PTSD triggers my stress cycles

I am in chronic stress cycles when ever my career or my housing situation is threatened.

right now both of those are threatened.

when in a chronic stress cycle my resilience plummets.

crying has become my physiological pathway to break the stress cycle at work.

i used to get terse, blunt, curt in responses at work, which brought about complaints.

anger is another outlet physiologically for the stress cycle.

Now I cry instead, this now brings about complaints because seeing me cry causes distress in there nearby.

move the rock

““I have to stop kicking the rock. I need to move it. It’s hurting both of us. He’s not the right person for this position, and there’s no amount of pushing or getting on him that’s going to change that.”

”When I woke up the next morning, my first thought was, I’m a failure and a screwup. My second thought was, I need to get out of this. I need to make this work. I need an easy fix. Who else is to blame? Who else was responsible for this mess? Then it hit me. I’m hustling. Not only that, I’m underneath a rock. I need to get out from underneath this rock first. I can’t make any good decisions from under here. I thought of your work and realized, Shit, I know this rock. It’s shame. ”

”It was so helpful to recognize that rock as shame and to make the choice to get out from underneath it. It doesn’t mean that what’s ahead is going to be easy, but it does mean that I can stop hustling. I can start making decisions that are in line with my values. At this point in my career, I need to know how to own my mistakes and set things right.”

Brené Brown

Managing the stress cycle

draw the line

power, experience and intensity

Field of experience.

Power comes from that.

Intensity too

drawn from the well

of bitterness, anger and resentment

steeped over years

of layered trauma

which was anything and everything

too much, too fast, too soon

the boundary violations

the violence.

Listening early pandemic playlists songs

tied to the last time I spent any time logged into buy, sell, trade sites.

Career in jeopardy

Housing in jeopardy

and the mental, emotional and physical work it takes

visiting so many suites today.

The narrow dark halls smelling of smoke

the lacking bike storage

the heat the climbs inside

reminding me

of early career lifetime in hell

needing and air conditioner to survive.

See simple peace in an empty sunny courtyard

relieved only

after the struggle to find it

that it is not a scam…

fresh paint, new appliances, but it too lacks covered bike storage.

Decluttering

shedding things like garden supplies

of the things that brought me peace, that grounded me

that gave life meaning over the years

in times of great uncertainty.

as my mental health plunges

as I lose sleep

as friends say they are worried about me…

spending all my time these days

online

either arranging picks ups for various plants, soil,

divesting myself of this life that was

10years here

i never expected to last this long….

or viewing countless suites, taking notes and photos as they talk.

Thinking of my latest upcoming work complaints.

thinking I am not let go more than about 3-4 months without one.

Thinking I need

to get my boss

to tell me some things I do well.

State my case again for

how and why

the complex PTSD

which is more tears than intense angry outbursts

now that my resilience has been pulverized.

Taking stock of how far I have come

progress gone unnoticed it seems

By those who continue to judge or criticize me.

That I surface from the plunge into despair a little more quickly.

That I now set some boundaries

even if late

even if the undermined damage is done.

The cost

recently

that email from my manager Friday afternoon

Informing me of practice concerns “feedback “

That left me in freeze state.

That thought I recall crafting a progress note

somehow it was never signed/published

and having to go into the discharged patient’s chart when the saturday nurse asked me about it

and publishing it late.

at the time being perplexed as to why

i had gotten distracted

when I usually completed the powerform

then immediately chart and sign the long entry….

the cost of freeze state.

Knowing I work hard

knowing I am improving

being devastated

ground pulled out from under me

panic

under the weight of doing wrong.

Early harsh severe childhood criticism

cripples me still

though I fight

to make it through

and struggle bitterly to carve

a path,

any path forwards.

new life

Everything changes 

I am reminded of that 

as I get a notification of practice complaints

and notification of reneviction in the same day.

sit down that evening to cry.

Go to work

do the job

hollowed out and raw

on too little sleep.

The world continues to turn

i give away indoor and outdoor plants 

prepare to view new rental suites

falter

think I should let down my guard 

force myself to connect

after years of being hurt

broken trust

where a friend texts with advice

another calls mad that I said nothing….

as I prepare for my life to change.

I don’t know where any of it will lead

as I listen to old songs that take me back to another time

another head space.

i don’t have fight in me

not for the work complaints 

not for the reneviction.

Thinking how once I worked exclusively nights.

Listening to classical playlists or chill mixes

to offset the violent wreckage that surrounded

paperwork, 

the dying terminally agitated restless

stocking

hands on care

care plans and MAR checks.

Now I chart like I am going to war

only slightly relieved this time when

i know how to figure out where I worked, the dates and what I did those shifts in question

because I keep my own notes.

wonder how and why I do this work

so much more stressful

or I cry far more 

broken

far less resilient than I used to be 

broken

by life events that stacked up unprocessed.

and now it is a toxic cesspit 

like the sinking titanic

people shoving one another out of the boat to drown to save themselves 

some choosing to stay in their beds rather than try to escape knowing death was inevitable 

others knowing they are resigned to their fate

going down with the ship.

we are all going down regardless 

and I am tired of 

working to hard 

to be dragged down

beaten down

and the moments 

where I make a real and worthwhile difference 

far between

where complaints too seem to come from others

wanting to crush me for standing up for perhaps a family

advocating in a way

they don’t see it.

A friend pointed out

that managers hire people like themselves 

those they have things in common with 

most everyone is married with kids

have houses

have mortgages 

 with stereotypical lives and relationships 

and I am none of those things

and I wonder if I should work harder to fake it

to fit in

to be less threatening to their mundane lives

if for no other reason than

to not be crushed

so easily or so often 

down into that small square they want us to be

the one where we agree with everything they say

never challenge them

are silent.