Kygo – Piano Jam

Onwards

two falls in the last hour of my shift

coming when I should be covering another floor.

Arrive home tired,

stress eating still

the last fear years I had weaned myself off snacking

Like that

but we live in constantly changing times

teaching yet another temperature screener

to use the sublingual temp probe

we are running out of probe covers.

having everyone carry their own

yesterday slapping signs on the entry doors to that effect.

Getting back from my long ride today

to an email from the boss

staff accommodations should self isolation be necessary

away from their families, their home,

more O2 filling machine ordered

so we can refill our own O2 canisters,

preparing for that upper cut to the solar plexus,

the fall wave of upper respiratory infections

that will surely come.

leaving us trying to differentiate rapidly between

influenze and COVID-19.

Exhausted by the thought.

water the garden

stare at my veggie starts re-potted

grateful that something is thriving here…

a tiny bit of calm in the gathering storm.

Inquire after increased environmental cleaning efforts

knowing full well that is where we will be

hold the balance or drown.

Wipe down my nursing station, cleaning up coffee stains

knowing full well when most the staff where there

it didn’t get done and it should have.

Scrubbing med carts now, part of my new routine

there too, some of my colleagues are thorough

others coudn’t care less.

In between a sea of order checking,

bringing up to speed our casual colleague as to duties

I find shipping boxes in the hall,

direct them to be sent up to their labelled respective floors,

only to meet on half way and discover to my horror

med rolls that should have been under lock at key

since arrival were left out in the open….

Draw a deep breath, write an email.

Hoping that will ensure it never happens again.

picking up the pieces of chaos

giving report to a day LPN, that our palliative patient

was a pps of 10% for us

staring in disbelief at an eMAR

where all other palitiave subcut meds remain

excect the dilaudid….because the patient

bounced back a little over the last few weeks

to take PO

to the uneducated, those who don’t prepare

for the inevitable

that translated to micromanaging the situation

get rid of the s/c dilaudid, give just oral

yet leave all other s/c meds ordered

and I was left thinking why…..

when we should have left all routes possible

prepare for every eventuality.

—————-

Containing choas and preparing

for the incoming storm.

and every day becoming more aware how lucky we are

to be alive,

to not have an outbreak

to knowing it will hit us hard eventually

and wondering in 2 years

how many people we will know

who have died, gotten infected and declined,

gotten infected and had only mild symptoms.

by next year will come of my colleagues be dead?

will I have lost some of the people I care about most?

only time will reveal those answers

for now

it comes down to trying to stay educated,

trying to prepare for the worst,

And trying to manage stress

 

 

re-assessment

 

Lying in bed

black t-shirt on

listening to techno

my habit these days it seems

thinking I need longer rides

to come home physically tired more often

body craves it

caught between some kinda sleep-the-day-away

depression

and yearning to be productive

this preparing for a war

can’t see the enemy

know it could devastate us completely

take away those we care about most.

wrote my landlord today

updating my family contact info

scared him a little he said

that discussion about death, the possibilities.

and now my lover he speaks of closing the distance

the end to the self imposed isolation I have put

between us for weeks.

it is on my mind all the time

lay here, hold my long braided hair high

feeling it fall down, slip through my hands

repeatedly;

contemplating the fall, feeling it.

knowing death could come from anyone

but

if we are the source of infection for one another

can I live with that? Could he?

Risk. Isolating from those we care for most

in attempt to

protect them.

It is something every healthcare professional

debates

writing in to the groups.

we are all here nativating this road

none of us have ever been on

and the answers unique, individual, personal.

The XX – Intro song

Sometimes in life