locus of control

• shake of the fear paralysis,
• leverage your resources,
• figure out what your options look like.
• in most cases, passively waiting for someone else to solve all the problems will only make you bitter.
• At the very least, figure out your short-term survival needs
• Give yourself enough time for the shock to settle
• work out a longer-term plan for yourself
• Fear, uncertainty, doubt–about ourselves, our future as we thought we’d planned it–can rob us of our focus and direction like few other things can.
• we can choose how to face these uncertain times,
• how to hold ourselves open to multiple options,
• with at least some degree of plan we can enact in the appropriate direct when we choose to execute said plan.
• Life is what happens to us when we least expect it.
• We can let it steamroll us, or we can learn how to roll as best we can with it,
• We choose how to face what’s happening to us, even when we can’t CHANGE what’s happening to us.

https://kgrierson.com/?s=understanding+relational+locus+control

free fall

How do I become the best Me that I can?

What do I bring to benefit the relationship by being confident and secure in myself?”

Hope

rework everything

fun flat out

falter

stumble

fall.

Cry.

let go as everything shatters all over again.

Take a deep breath

get back up off the ground.

repeat this cycle

over and over again.

Learn to think differently

think to perspective check

learn to fake it

learn to smile more

to force it

Learn to conserve energy

learn not to be on all the time

learn to walk away

out of the hospital

embrace the sun and wind

embrace a world away from

this sinking ship

this wreckage going down

where 4 nurses a side

used to be the bare minimum possible

now we run with three

and the chaos is palpable.

Take a breath

take leave

knowing they all assume

it is for my mental health services

Go look at work places

try to find a home

knowing time

is slipping away

knowing

everything is uncertain

and it wears me down

this repeated need to

go back to the drawing boards

try to reshuffle the pieces

to get it to work

try to find some workable solution

hope

shattered

cradh

Cry

summon the energy

yet again

to get back up

bruises changing colours

aches and pains

sleepless nights

and work a little harder

thinking

life

should be easier than this

but it isn’t

that life should be

better than this

but it isn’t.