London Grammar – Kind Of Man (Lyrics)

I can’t stop the feeling, stop the motion
Of the wheels that keep on turning in my head
I kinda like the feeling, like the hurting
Smiles are beaming, you’re a challenge


You’re a diamond in the rough


You’re the kind of man to fall in love with me
You’re the kind of man to fall in love with me
You’re the kind of man to fall in love with me
You’re the kind of man to take me not seriously


Know you like the powder, it makes you louder
It makes you feel so goddamn beautiful
But I saw you fading, becoming jadеd
You can’t believe it, lifе’s a challenge


You’re a diamond in the rough

relationships in life

• You determine how you experience situations
• blaming others steals your power for self determination
• blaming others causes them to shut down, withdraw
• You can shape and change how you see events, how you take control of how you experience life.
• You create how you feel
• The only thing you can change is you in terms of how you experience what happens in life.
• Learning to set healthy boundaries is key to being healthy and free
• Learning to express your feelings appropriately takes time
• When learning something new we explore the outermost limits of that skill
• when it comes to emotional expression that can manifest with expressing emotional exptremes before being able to learn to express the nuances or finer points or more subtle ranges.
• at first the person may express too much or Chanel expression into one single emotion eg. Anger, tears
• Gradual gaining ability to appropriately express the full range of emotions takes time, experience, practice.

Screenshot

locus of control

• shake of the fear paralysis,
• leverage your resources,
• figure out what your options look like.
• in most cases, passively waiting for someone else to solve all the problems will only make you bitter.
• At the very least, figure out your short-term survival needs
• Give yourself enough time for the shock to settle
• work out a longer-term plan for yourself
• Fear, uncertainty, doubt–about ourselves, our future as we thought we’d planned it–can rob us of our focus and direction like few other things can.
• we can choose how to face these uncertain times,
• how to hold ourselves open to multiple options,
• with at least some degree of plan we can enact in the appropriate direct when we choose to execute said plan.
• Life is what happens to us when we least expect it.
• We can let it steamroll us, or we can learn how to roll as best we can with it,
• We choose how to face what’s happening to us, even when we can’t CHANGE what’s happening to us.

https://kgrierson.com/?s=understanding+relational+locus+control

free fall

How do I become the best Me that I can?

What do I bring to benefit the relationship by being confident and secure in myself?”

Hope

rework everything

fun flat out

falter

stumble

fall.

Cry.

let go as everything shatters all over again.

Take a deep breath

get back up off the ground.

repeat this cycle

over and over again.

Learn to think differently

think to perspective check

learn to fake it

learn to smile more

to force it

Learn to conserve energy

learn not to be on all the time

learn to walk away

out of the hospital

embrace the sun and wind

embrace a world away from

this sinking ship

this wreckage going down

where 4 nurses a side

used to be the bare minimum possible

now we run with three

and the chaos is palpable.

Take a breath

take leave

knowing they all assume

it is for my mental health services

Go look at work places

try to find a home

knowing time

is slipping away

knowing

everything is uncertain

and it wears me down

this repeated need to

go back to the drawing boards

try to reshuffle the pieces

to get it to work

try to find some workable solution

hope

shattered

cradh

Cry

summon the energy

yet again

to get back up

bruises changing colours

aches and pains

sleepless nights

and work a little harder

thinking

life

should be easier than this

but it isn’t

that life should be

better than this

but it isn’t.

becoming

change

Change

I gave my heart

I gave my soul

I got lost

I have never been good

at coffee chat

I have never been good

at fostering social relationships

social connections.

I never have been good

at being

a cog in the machine.

I was good

at the most challenging cases

Working the hot zones

or the emotionally treacherous zones

others feared.

I got good at the edge

the fringes.

alone and unsupported

running full out

But

it cost me

so much more than I ever expected.

It changed me

changed my personality.

This front line war,

battle worn and so scared.

journey

Today I bring work training binders back to work.

drop off my hospice vest,

bought,

never worn

donate

and think for a moment

it has been 20 years to the day

my first volunteer shift at hospice.

I have conquered fears

learned so many new skills

was intimidated to talk to patients

slowly got over that.

Became at ease

in severely emotionally distressing situations

the dying

the grief

the moral distress

the traumas.

Dropped off my training binders at the office

said hello to a colleague

who doesn’t work the team anymore

now in the community.

wish our colleague who has brought her

toddler to the office this Saturday

wish her happy mother’s day

maybe she will return soon.

think slowly

as I smile

exchange pleasantries

and quickly leave

how I might not be back

perhaps just for that meeting Monday

Then to depart

wonder

if the manager will release some email

to everyone

telling them the party line

that I have decided to spend

more time with my family…

bound down to new conditions

or

released from contract?

Shackled or set free?

been here before

the fork in the road

worked so hard

came up short anyway.

been a year and 8 months…to the day.

Bike crash today hurts

clueless little kid biking wrong way

in the bike lane

parent not understanding implications

even to get out of the way

after I go down.

cry

aches, strains, abrasions

bike repair

support from friends

come home

chilled from the

exhaustion

As adrenaline runs out

unsafe & unsupported